“I’m sorry.” She said. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” She was full out wailing now. Her freshly brewed tears spilling from her eyes and cascading down her face. “I didn’t mean to.” her watery voice sounded. Her stuffed up nose created a childish tone to her once calm, raspy voice. “I just- I” she couldn’t finish, she was full out stuttering now. The pain of her life, and events, taking their final toll. There was nothing we could do. She’s lost too much blood. The mere fact that she still had enough strength to be talking was beyond us as it was. “I couldn’t take it anymore.” she wheezed. Her pupils kept coming in and out of dilatation. As if she was fighting to live, even though she wanted to die so immensely. Human nature, and the mind. When they clashed, the sight was interesting to behold. Especially when said mind was so sad, so tortured. One pulls one way, the other pulls another way. But it all happens too late.
The sickening spluttering retching from her mouth brings me back.
“My baby!” I hear behind me. “No!” It’s frantic, desperate. The sound of a mother seeing her only daughter dying on the floor. “What has she done! No! NO!” She’s held back by some of the men around her. We all know it’s too late. So does her mother, but admitting it, might hurt her more than her twisting denial at the moment.
“P..” I hear her faint, weak voice try to speak. Leaning in close, I remember a book we once read together. Looking for Alaska by John Green. I remember the whole phenomena about last words. And how important they became to the both of us. I knew she probably wasn’t even thinking of that at the moment. But I felt as if I owed it to her, to remember her last words. Record them. Cherish them. And never let a God damn soul forget them.
So I listen intently, trying to grasp each word as they’re spoken in her weak, dying voice. “P..please don’t go,” She rasps, her voice just heard by my delicate ear, placed by her mouth. “I’ll eat you up, I love you so.”
That’s when I break. When I feel the tears well up in my eyes. I turn my head just in time to see her watery eyes stare up into my own. She’s smiling. This sad, heartbreaking smile on the edge between a smirk. Her smirk. And for the first time in forever, I realize, it reaches her eyes.